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Written by Emily Cross.
13 minute read
When a loved one dies, you may wish to pay your respects in a way that is in keeping with tradition. The problem is that unless you have already purchased a dedicated funeral suit, understanding the many nuanced elements of British funeral etiquette can be overwhelming. Because we know that you are also trying to navigate the grieving process and come to terms with your loss, we’ve put together an easy-to-follow guide that can help you decide what suit to wear to a funeral.
If you’re reading this article, we understand that you may be going through a difficult time right now. We hope that we can offer the information and support you need at this time, and if you require support with funeral planning process – our funeral arrangements checklist can guide you through each step with clarity and calm.
Aura provides compassionate funeral care and future planning support designed to help you navigate the end-of-life process. We are always here when you need us.
Key takeaways:
Understanding what suit to wear to a funeral is about learning some of the many British funeral traditions. While everyone will grieve in their own way — it is a deeply personal process, after all — there are some traditions you may wish to be mindful of.
Dressing for a funeral is about marking the passing of a loved one in a way that recognises that the funeral can be a solemn and emotional occasion. While some will see it as a celebration of life, there will typically be an understated, conservative element to the suit you choose to wear.
Wearing black from head to toe, with the exception of a white collared shirt, is a traditional mark of respect. You can think of it as providing a neutral backdrop for the service so that the full attention of the mourners is directed toward the person who has died and those closest to them. While black is the traditional suit colour in the UK, it’s important to note that different cultures, religions, and even families may have other wishes. In Japanese culture, for example, mourners traditionally wear white suits to funerals because they see it as a celebration of the purity of life.
You may wish to take a moment to consider how you can meet the wishes of the family if they have requested mourners wear a brighter colour, specific pattern, or non-traditional item of clothing. If you’d like more in-depth guidance on funeral dress, consider reading our British Funeral Attire Guide.
While in many cases, you will be wearing black, knowing what suit to wear to a funeral also involves some thought regarding the cut and fit. After saying a few words to expand on the nuances around colour choice, we’re going to cover the cut and fit in a little more detail.
Your funeral suit will typically be black because that is the traditional colour in the UK. It has been the norm for centuries because the idea is that it puts the focus on the person who has died. While some families will request mourners to wear patterns or brighter colours, you will generally hear about this in advance so that you can accommodate their wishes.
Some mourners who do not own a black funeral suit but have a conservatively styled dark suit in a different colour opt for a little variation. Common choices in this regard are charcoal grey, navy blue, and dark grey. Large cuffs and lapels are generally avoided. Alternatively, some may consider renting a traditional black suit.
Contacting the family at such a difficult time can be intimidating if you are doing anything other than sending your condolences. You may feel that they do not want to be bothered with seemingly trivial questions about dress code and choose to use your own best judgement. In these cases, many mourners choose to err on the side of caution and wear a traditional black suit.
There is also a growing trend of families requesting guests dress smart casual or in lighter colours, particularly if they are remembering the life of a young person. In this case, you can expect to hear from someone close to the family about what their wishes are. Making an effort to accommodate the wishes of the family will be greatly appreciated because it is a mark of respect for their loved one.
Although it’s common to dress up for weddings or corporate events, a funeral suit will typically be understated, and we’re not just talking about the colour. Opting for something that is simple, conservative, and classic allows you to pay your respects while acknowledging the occasion.
A classic single-breasted suit with or without a waistcoat is a common choice. Some prefer the look of a double-breasted suit, and this style is also perfectly acceptable.
A suit that is not too loose or too tight will ensure you feel comfortable throughout the day. Many mourners choose to keep their jacket and tie on for an extended period of time as a mark of respect. A simple black tie with no patterning is the traditional choice for those attending funerals in the UK.
Now that we have covered what suit colour is traditionally worn to a funeral in detail, we need to take a closer look at the specifics required at different types of services. In the past, funerals would always be carried out at the local church, and a strict dress code would be expected as standard. With the decline of religion in the UK, things have changed a little in modern Britain, so a closer look can be helpful.
Knowing what suit to wear to a funeral is about knowing what happens at a funeral so that you can match the style of the other mourners. If the family is religious, or if you know that the funeral will be held in a church, there may be an expectation that you wear a conservative black suit unless the family says otherwise.
If the person who has died followed the Islamic faith, you may have the choice of a traditional Islamic suit or a black suit and tie. Asking someone close to the family what they would recommend is the best approach here because it will allow you to accommodate any cultural and religious sensitivities you may not be aware of.
Families from Asia will typically wear white suits when they have lost a loved one but may not expect you to break with the British tradition of wearing black. These types of nuances can be difficult to navigate, especially considering that you may not be close enough to the family to ask what they would prefer. Close friends, cousins, aunts and uncles could all be ideal points of contact when you need to check whether to wear white or black.
Cremation and memorial services can often be somewhat less formal than a traditional church funeral and they may lack any form of religious element. In some cases, you may find that other mourners have chosen to wear a funeral suit that is a little more casual. Being mindful of the family’s wishes and the location of the service can help you make a suitable choice.
Black will still be the most common colour you see mourners wearing, but you are more likely to see others wearing navy or dark grey. There may also be more variation in the colour of the shoes, with brown or tan dress shoes being more common at a cremation or memorial service than during a church service.
Something many funeral attendees struggle with is getting the balance right when the family says that they are happy for you to wear smart casual attire. If you arrive too casual — jeans, a leather jacket, and trainers — smartening up can be tricky if you find you have misjudged it slightly. Arrive in a conservative black or dark navy suit, and you can always remove your jacket and tie to match other mourners.
Some may find it helpful to ask other mourners what they plan to wear so that they can judge the occasion. This can provide a little extra peace of mind when you are conscious of paying your respects in a way that aligns with the wishes of the family and the nature of the service.
Knowing what colour suit to wear to a funeral is one thing, but what about keeping cool and comfortable with the seasons? We know that black traps heat, so we need to think about how to keep you cool during the service.
Breathable wool or a lightweight and breathable linen suit is a popular choice during the summer months. Suits can quickly cause you to overheat, especially if the top button of your shirt is done up, and taking off a jacket and tie early is something some may prefer not to do during a formal occasion.
The other thing to consider during the peak of the summer heat is your choice of footwear. While women usually have a wide array of different footwear choices, men are generally expected to wear dark dress shoes. There are occasions when the family may ask mourners to pay their respects in different attire, in which case the efforts you go to will be appreciated by the family.
A winter funeral suit will typically be a heavier wool or tweed so that you can keep the chills at bay. You’ll also likely find that wearing a coat is necessary due to the cold. If at all possible, try to find a black or dark blue overcoat that will help match your suit. Making sure that you feel comfortable with what you’re wearing while also ensuring that it is appropriate for the weather can remove a degree of stress on the day.
Wearing a vest or thermal layer under your white shirt is another way of wrapping up warm in the colder months. Many who opt for an underlayer prefer a white cotton vest, just in case a dark colour partially shows through their white dress shirt.
Knowing what suit to wear to a funeral is the biggest piece of the puzzle, but there are a few other things you may wish to consider at the same time:
Some will also opt for a clean-shaven look or a fresh beard trim as they feel it helps them become neat and presentable. This is very much a personal choice and something that is at the discretion of every mourner. Giving some thought to the occasion, the setting, and the wishes of the family will help you make a decision that feels right.
We know that the many nuances and subtleties of funeral attire in the UK can be difficult to navigate, especially at a time when your thoughts are, understandably, elsewhere. We hope that this guide provides some help and support at a time when you need it, allowing you to prepare to celebrate the life of a friend or loved one in a way you feel comfortable with.
Aura is proud to help people from all walks of life who are creating a funeral plan and considering direct cremation as a way to mark a passing. We are always here to offer help, support, and guidance so that you can feel comfortable before, during, and after the service.
This is the tradition in the UK and is something that may be expected if the service is conducted in a traditional church or chapel setting. In all but the most formal and traditional of settings, a dark suit will also be perfectly fine. A simple black tie that doesn’t have a pattern is another choice you may wish to make.
There is perhaps more flexibility with the colour of your shoes than with any other item of your outfit. Brown shoes are a perfectly acceptable choice and one that is increasingly common. You may wish to give them a final polish in the morning to hide any scuffs or signs of wear.
A lightweight linen suit that allows your skin to breathe is a comfortable and practical choice in the summer. Layering up too much may mean you end up removing your jacket and tie to try and cool down. While there is no set rule against doing so, some mourners may feel that this look is a little too casual at the start of the service.