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Written by Lauren Knowles.
15 minute read
Article reviewed by Emily Cross, Self-Employed Death Doula on November 26, 2025.
Christmas is a time of celebration for many people across the UK and around the world. But for those who are grieving and remembering a loved one, it can also be a time of sadness and reflection.
If you’re remembering a loved one at Christmas, you might feel that the only way to get through it is to put the festivities to one side. As providers of direct cremation services who have supported thousands of families across the UK, we want you to know that this isn’t always the case.
Grief is personal, and each of us moves through it in our own way. There’s no right or wrong.
If the holiday brings welcome distraction, that’s okay. If it feels overwhelming, there are steps you can take to make space for yourself and begin processing grief at Christmas. And if you feel a mix of emotions, you’re not alone…many people do. We hope this guide offers some comfort and guidance at a time when it’s understandable to feel unsure.
Key takeaways:
Remembering a loved one at Christmas can feel at odds with the festive season, especially when joy seems to be all around.
Grief often feels stronger during the holidays. This may be because Christmas is traditionally a family-centred time, so the absence of someone close can become even more noticeable.
Even if the person you’re grieving hadn’t been part of your recent Christmas celebrations, such as in the case of the death of an estranged parent, your thoughts and feelings may still be more intense. Many people reflect on life, family, and how they want to be remembered at this time of year.
You may feel sad, nostalgic, or emotionally overwhelmed. This is entirely normal. Grieving doesn’t have to take away from the season, it’s a valid and personal part of it. If you can accept that, you may find it easier to trust and be kind to yourself. Over time, that self-compassion can make the journey a little easier.
You only have to listen to one of the many grief podcasts or books about grief and loss that are out there right now to begin to create a list of remembrance ideas. Taking a moment to consider some of the suggestions on our shortlist may help you to find something that you feel comfortable with. You could even turn it into an annual tradition or seasonal ritual if you so wish. Doing so may help provide additional support at a time of emotional need by allowing you to ground yourself in familiarity.
Something as simple as lighting a candle or hanging a special ornament may help you feel like your loved one is still with you in some capacity. During these quiet moments, you may even be able to feel their energy.
The idea is to connect your memory of them with a small daily habit you enjoy. Over time, this can bring a sense of comfort and help you come to terms with their absence.
Some people set a place at the table or write a card to their loved one. Photos can also become part of a meaningful tradition, helping you feel they’re still close. This can make it easier to enjoy parts of the festive season, even while you’re grieving.
Remembering loved ones at Christmas is something that you could blend into the celebrations themselves so that you don’t feel you have to separate the two. Meeting other friends and relatives to share stories about your loved one or saying prayers, if this aligns with your worldview, may help.
Many people who are looking for ways to go about remembering a friend who has died decide to dedicate a part of the celebration to their memory. Popular choices are the choice of a particular Christmas tree, saying a few words before a meal, or giving a gift as a reminder of them. The choice is very much a personal one, and it may be one that you feel you want to discuss with others.
Going out of your way to deliver acts of kindness or charity in their name is another way to establish a meaningful tradition. Doing something that will benefit someone else, and doing so in the name of the person you are mourning, may help you feel like their legacy continues. If you see it as a way of helping pass forward the many good traits of your loved one, it may give you a chance to process some of your deeper emotions.
Many books and articles about grief are written with compassion, but few focus on Christmas specifically. Even when they do, they may not speak to how heavy this season can feel after a loss.
It’s okay if you don’t feel festive. It’s okay if joy feels fleeting. And it’s okay if you need to take a step back from it all. While concepts such as growing around grief are there to give you permission to celebrate, there is less said about those times when you feel that the emotional weight of Christmas has become too much.
As a family-run funeral provider, we have spent years serving and honouring the wishes of some truly inspirational people. We have learned from many about how they’ve navigated this time. Here are some ideas that may help:
Anyone trying to figure out how to cope with the death of a parent, sibling, or other close relative may feel that words alone cannot do justice to the way they feel. This is perfectly understandable, and one of the main reasons why looking for a creative outlet may help. Taking some time to consider if there is a creative path you feel comfortable taking could help you to keep moving forward.
The act of paying tribute to a loved one can take many forms, with the choice being very much a personal one. If you find exploring ideas helps, here are some that we have seen firsthand over the years:
You could also keep the tributes to yourself if you start journaling as a way to express your thoughts and emotions. Your words don’t have to be perfect, and there is nothing wrong with starting with what feels like random notes and thoughts on the page. It’s the act of picking up a pen and trying to find a way to express yourself that is the most important thing.
If you feel able to, trying to find moments of peace, warmth, and connection despite your grief is something that may help. Navigating how to deal with grief doesn’t necessarily have to involve processing your emotions or looking at your past if you don’t want it to. A feeling of gratitude has the ability to coexist with grief in a way that can bring emotional healing into your life.
Some find that having gratitude for the little things in life helps them to honour the memory and legacy of their loved one. For example, they may have been a positive person who always saw the good in life, in which case following their lead may make you feel that you are paying your own tribute. Gratitude has also been shown to release mood-boosting hormones into the body, offering the potential for an overall lift in mood. This is not to say that it will be an overnight fix, but it may help you to feel a little happier.
You may also find that our guide to symbols of grief helps at this time. It may be able to introduce you to a particular symbol or item that you feel thankful for and connect with the festivities. Taking a look may give you something to anchor yourself to at times when your emotional energy may be running low.
Thoughtful gestures, like sending a remembrance card, offering to meet up, or simply checking in, can make a real difference.
You don’t need to offer solutions. Just being there to listen, without judgement, can be incredibly powerful. If you practise active listening and give someone space to open up, you may find they’re more willing to share how they really feel.
The youngest members of the family may also need to grieve and come to terms with what has happened, and these journeys may prove particularly difficult to navigate. Considering age-appropriate ways for children to remember a family member is something that may help. With this in mind, here are some approaches to consider:
You may also feel that you need to talk to your children about grief at Christmas. These conversations are deeply personal, and we would never pretend to be able to guide you through them. Our only advice would be to take a moment to clarify and gather your own thoughts before you begin.
Grief at Christmas can feel especially heavy, and that’s okay. You don’t need to hide your feelings or pretend.
Instead of letting go of your old traditions, you might consider gently adapting them. Some families like to display a photo in a central place or play a video of their loved one at a particular time. Others change a tradition slightly so it reflects their current family and the person who is missed.
There’s no right or wrong. Only what feels right for you.
We always believe that our role as a provider of *prepaid funeral plans should extend far beyond the practical considerations that we specialise in. By making sure that we continually create resources that allow you to do everything from compare funeral plans to find sources of comfort when you need them, we want to show you that we are always right here.
The festive period is one that may bring with it conflicting emotions if someone you love has died. On the one hand, you miss them dearly and want to see them again, and on the other, you find moments of happiness by celebrating Christmas with other people you love. We hope that this guide has shown you that it is possible to feel both of these things at the same time without forcing yourself to hold back or suppress emotions. Allowing yourself to navigate the holiday period in a way that feels right to you will help you to be kind and compassionate to yourself.
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Many people find that creating a small, manageable ritual helps them to honour someone they love during the festive holidays. It could be saying a few words when you switch on the lights on the tree, going for a walk in their favourite spot, or even just having a photo of them on display in the lounge or dining room. If it makes you feel connected with them, it has meaning.
Grief may feel magnified or amplified at Christmas, especially if you are aware of many of your friends, neighbours, and colleagues seemingly celebrating non-stop. The key here is to be kind to yourself so that you can find the time and space needed to sit with your emotions and process your feelings. By taking a moment to step back and breathe, you give yourself permission to find new ways of navigating Christmas.
Absolutely, and not only is it something many people do, but it’s also been shown to help people to process emotions and arrive at some form of closure. If someone you loved was central to your Christmas traditions, having their memory continue with you may be really important. Saying their favourite joke, wishing them a Merry Christmas, and perhaps having a photo of them at the dinner table may all help in some small way.
Lighting a candle is one of the most timeless acts of remembrance because of the way it allows you to sit and reflect as the flame flickers. If you see a connection between the light and warmth of the flame and the happy memories and positive experiences that you associate with your loved one, you may want to make this an annual tradition.
Yes, you have every right to feel exactly how you do at this time of year, and no one can dispute how you feel. Many people find that they are able to enjoy certain aspects of the holidays, but not in the same way that they could when their loved one was still with them. Accepting that this may be the case for you and your family, and then being kind to yourselves, may help you to open up and share your thoughts and feelings with one another.
Taking some time to sit and write them a letter may help you to clarify your thoughts and process how you are feeling. Writing as if you were talking to them right there and then could help you to reflect on what they meant to you and the many happy Christmases you shared together when they were still here.