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Written by Emily Cross.
15 minute read
Knowing what is customary to wear to a funeral is something many of us find difficult. In an age where people are becoming more expressive and moving away from traditional black attire, finding the right balance is more important than ever. The problem is, you may not feel comfortable burdening the next of kin with something that seems so small at such a difficult time.
Grief is deeply personal, and we all heal in different ways. But that also means we need to be mindful of how our choices might affect others. As providers of direct cremation services designed to offer flexibility and a gentle break from tradition, we understand this delicate balance.
That’s why we’ve put together our British funeral attire guide, as well as this article—to give you everything you need to make a choice that feels right for you, while showing respect to those around you.
Key takeaways:
Opting to wear black jeans to a funeral is something more people are doing than certainly used to be the case, but it may be a delicate matter for some. Jeans do depart from what is traditionally considered respectful attire at British funerals; namely, suit trousers for men and suit trousers or a modest dress for women. You may feel that this is too tied to tradition, but there is a reason that the tradition arose in the first place:
Even if you are not a strong believer in tradition, it’s important to understand that there may well be family expectations and cultural norms that others expect you to follow. One of the complex things about these types of occasions is that many of the expectations will go unspoken. Many people will simply assume that traditional attire will be followed, or that slight modern adjustments will be tastefully made, while others will be avoided. Striking the balance in a way that is kind and compassionate is the most important thing here.
Wearing jeans to a funeral is something that many people give little thought to, but also something that some may feel strongly about. If you take a look at our funeral suit guide, for example, you will see that the focus is usually on traditional suit trousers. While we would never wish to dictate how you grieve and mourn, being aware of how non-traditional choices may be perceived by your fellow mourners might be helpful.
Knowing what colours to wear to a funeral is, perhaps, less of a hot topic in the UK. This is because most people understand that black is the expected colour. Some may choose dark navy or dark grey if that’s the only suit or dress they have, but these are still seen as traditional choices. Jeans, even if they’re black, can feel different to some people because they can come across as more casual.
Jeans are often deemed a little too casual or even inappropriate because some people feel like they show insufficient thought on the part of the mourner. There may be times when the next of kin expresses a wish for everyone to come in their own clothes or to dress smart casual, in which case jeans may be acceptable. While this is very much a personal choice, many people choose to err on the side of caution.
If, hypothetically, jeans are the only trousers you have available, black jeans are generally a more accepted choice than blue denim. They will be in the traditional colour of mourning and will not stand out anywhere near as much as blue jeans, though some people may still notice them. If you wish to proceed down this route, you may find some of the following suggestions helpful:
Giving yourself time and space to tie everything together will allow you to double-check that you feel your attire is appropriate. If you are able to do so several days in advance, you may find that you can approach the day of the service with a little less uncertainty.
Funeral dress codes differ between families with different ethnicities and heritages, and being mindful of the wishes of the next of kin is important. While you will see in our memorial service dress code guide that the tradition in Britain is to wear black, there are also elements of diversity to consider.
For example, in many faiths and belief systems from Asia, the tradition is to wear modest white clothing. People from these backgrounds see white as a symbol of the purity of life and something that they wish to celebrate during the course of the service.
Whether jeans are accepted can depend as much on the wider culture as on the wishes of the family. While jeans are now one of the most common types of casual trousers, it’s worth remembering that they’re relatively new in the grand scheme of things. Around 150 years ago, jeans didn’t exist, but many funeral attire traditions were already well established by then.
If you’re unsure about wearing jeans, choosing something more formal can help you feel confident that you’re showing respect. In many cases, it’s more acceptable to be slightly overdressed than too casual. A formal black suit or black dress is widely recognised in the UK as a traditional sign of respect, regardless of cultural background.
You may find our different funeral attire guides helpful at this point, especially if you are struggling to choose between hiring a suit and wearing your new smart jeans. Because British society has become more expressive and diverse in the last couple of generations, a growing number of people find smart casual funeral attire acceptable.
Chino trousers or suit trousers, dresses with a modest fit that generally extend below the knee, and freshly pressed blazers are all things you will see at most funerals nowadays. If you know that the ceremony will be non-traditional and on the less formal side, then you may choose a smart-casual combination. It will allow you to feel like you are fitting in with your fellow mourners by adhering to the wishes of the family for everyone to come in more relaxed attire.
There are some fascinating and comforting grief podcasts out there right now that discuss these types of questions in detail. Listening to one or two that you feel you can resonate with and connect with may help you clarify your thinking. We also hope that the following sections may provide some much-needed food for thought.
There are some non-traditional funeral types where jeans may be respectable. These include celebration of life events and private ceremonies where the family has expressly requested everyone to come as they are. Even so, you may wish to double-check with someone close to the next of kin a few days in advance of the service so you don’t unwittingly cause upset.
You may also find that rural or outdoor settings require clothing of a more practical nature, particularly in the colder months or when there is challenging weather forecast. Again, while we never wish to dictate what you can and cannot wear, we would suggest checking with a close friend or member of the family.
Much of the funeral etiquette in the UK is focused on presenting yourself in a solemn and respectful way, and there may be ways jeans can help achieve this. Dark denim (preferably matt black) that is well-fitted is a starting point that you may wish to consider. Taking a moment to ensure you avoid distressed or embellished styles, such as those with prominent zips, rips, or logos, will also help you adopt a more muted tone.
What you pair your jeans with can also make a significant impact on your overall presentation. Freshly pressed shirts and blazers, a neutral black coat, and clean leather shoes that are formal enough to wear to a job interview can all make a difference. You may also wish to avoid anything that may prove too eye-catching, such as excessive jewellery, prominent belt buckles, or accessories that draw attention.
You may come to realise that you were experiencing anticipatory grief before your loved one died, and that now, you’re finding it hard to cope. This is completely understandable and a common reason why daily life can feel overwhelming. If the idea of buying or hiring a suit feels like too much, it might help to ask a friend for support, rather than turning to jeans by default. If the family is traditional, religious, or has asked for formal black attire, dressing differently could unintentionally cause upset, even if you’re struggling.
On the other hand, you may feel that you’re already growing around grief and beginning to move forward seemingly more quickly than others. Grief is deeply personal, and this doesn’t mean you care any less about the person who has died. But it may help to be mindful of how your choices, such as not wearing traditional black, might be seen by those who are still in the early stages of mourning. You might feel ready to celebrate a life, but not everyone may share that feeling just yet.
Seeing jeans at a funeral is something that more traditional mourners may find offensive or thoughtless. British funeral traditions are well-established, and only some people are beginning to move away from them; many people still expect others to remain traditionally dressed. Here are some things you may wish to make yourself aware of:
Balancing personal expression, paying respects, and considering the feelings of other mourners can take some thought. Taking time to reflect, or speaking with someone else who plans to attend the service, may help with your decision.
In our role as a family-run funeral provider, we focus as much on the emotional side of things as we do on the practical considerations. We know that fashion and social norms have evolved over time, but we also know that many feel a sense of tradition at these times.
In some families, there may be something of a generational divide, with younger members of the family diversifying away from British traditions. Taking this into account is something that you may feel is very important.
For example, if you are attending the funeral of an elderly member of the family, you may find that wearing traditional attire and avoiding jeans becomes even more important. Alternatively, if you are attending the service of a younger member of the family or a child, you may find that the next of kin has expressed a wish to come as you are or to dress in a smart casual way. Finding a way to be respectful to your fellow mourners while also following the wishes of the immediate family is what striking the right balance here is all about.
We sincerely hope that you have found some words of comfort and guidance by reading this guide. We also appreciate that you may have started to reflect on your own legacy and how you would wish to be remembered by those you love. In this case, we offer a range of *prepaid funeral plans that allow you to express your wishes so that your loved ones are clear on what you want.
If you’re beginning to plan ahead, you may also find our funeral arrangements checklist helpful, it breaks down each step clearly so nothing is forgotten at a difficult time.
You are never under any pressure to reach out or connect; we just want you to know that we are here for you whenever you need us. Also, we want you to know that we are always available to offer guidance when it comes to etiquette and attire when attending a service. Our library of guides is growing all the time and is our way of making sure we are always ready to offer a helping hand or a word of support.
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Many people will stick to traditional British funeral attire, namely a smart black suit for men and a choice of modest dresses or pantsuits for women. The fit tends to be formal, the black is matt, and the shoes and accessories are smart yet understated. The idea is to make sure that you don’t catch the eye when the focus of the service should be on the person who has died and their immediate family.
While it is a personal choice what you wear, there are some who will find wearing jeans to be disrespectful. You can certainly buy some very smart, expensive jeans, but many people will still see them as overly casual compared to traditional suit trousers or a dress. Even if they are black, you may find that they strike the wrong note at a time when many of your fellow mourners will be in a heightened emotional state.
If the family has expressed a wish for smart casual dress or to come as you are, jeans will generally be acceptable. That said, you may be conscious of presenting yourself in a way that is too casual and causing offence to the next of kin. If this is the case, opting for smart, well-fitted black jeans free from distressed denim or additional accessories would be our advice. By playing it safe, the most you are going to do is appear a little more formal than everyone else.
Yes, the ethnicity, nationality, religion, and heritage of the person who has died and their next of kin will affect what is deemed to be acceptable funeral attire. If you are unsure about what they expect you to wear, reaching out to a close friend of the family may be the best approach to take. If you choose to avoid jeans but wish to wear something aligned with the family’s cultural heritage as a mark of respect, this is certainly very noble. Thinking about whether doing so may cause offence, and dressing in a traditional British funeral outfit, may be something you wish to do at this point.
Black jeans are increasingly common in funerals that request smart casual dress, but still remain a niche choice at more traditional services. Unless you know the family would approve of the choice, we would suggest keeping things conservative and safe by opting for more traditional attire. That way, the worst that will happen is that you appear a little more formally dressed than some of your fellow mourners.
Many people place a great deal of emphasis on the formal nature of funeral dress because they see it as a mark of respect. Going out of your way to dress in a traditional, conservative, and dignified way is a public demonstration of the time and thought you have put into your own grieving journey.